


Sometimes my hands they don't feel like my own (I need someone to love I need someone to hold)

by lover_44



Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 18:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7724746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_44/pseuds/lover_44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As everything he did in his life, Richard planned all in great detail. He would think everything through, write down every move if needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes my hands they don't feel like my own (I need someone to love I need someone to hold)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just our hands clasped so tight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6575119) by [lover_44](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_44/pseuds/lover_44). 



> So, this work is not revised, so I am really sorry if you find any mistakes in it. I am not a native english speaker. I also would like to say that this work is kind of a companion work to my "Just our hands clasped so tight", but it can be easily read as standalone. I have other Richlee fics, all kind of in the same "universe", so if you are interested, check it on my page!

As everything he did in his life, Richard planned all in great detail. He would think everything through, write down every move if needed. Richard never knew he would find one great love in, though. He hoped, waited, but he never knew. It wasn’t obvious as soon as he saw Lee, it was a process, a long one. Fear and compartmentalizing feelings was part of it. Admitting to love someone to the point of ignoring timezone differences so that you could hear their voice  and talk until sleep was something big, so when Richard figured it out he was so deeply in love with Lee that he could no longer feel well without hearing his laugh or seeing his bright chameleon like eyes in the morning light, he knew he wanted to ask Lee to spend the rest of their lives together. 

 

On a cold september London night, after his last performance in The Crucible, Richard felt more bare than he ever felt in his life. It wasn’t the lack of clothes as he lay on the top of the sheets, it wasn’t his trembling limbs, it wasn’t the remaining feelings. For the first time in a long time,  it wasn’t a character, it was all Richard himself. The loneliness was all Richard, the same loneliness that made him get up and get dressed, and when he came back, he had a small velvet box with him. 

Richard kept the box, as well as himself, at bay, though. It was always inside his pockets wherever he went with Lee, just like his feelings on his sleeve, but always cautious, always thinking. For a calm, quiet man, Richard was just as much a methodic person, and he wanted everything done right. More than want, there was a need for doing it right. So Richard planned, and rehearsed, and waited, and every time Lee laughed, he loved him more, every time Lee touched him, Richard felt on the verge of asking him. 

 

Richard’s inner turmoil ended on a warm summer night, when sitting on the porch of their farm house upstate New York, enjoying time together quietly, Richard simply let go of all control for Lee. Because Lee, Richard came to realise in time, was a simple, patient lover. If he noticed how hard Richard’s edges were, or how nervous he would become from time to time, all Lee did was hold his hand, pull Richard along, make his life better. “Marry me” it was all Richard whispered on Lee’s ear. Simple, all out there for Lee, like his own feelings. Richard could feel Lee become tense for a moment, so he quickly took the ring out of his pocket. Still, no answer. For a moment, one simple moment, Richard’s demons took in, telling him _he_ _wasn’t worth_ _it_ , _you don’t deserve love, you are nothing, nothing_ , and Richard’s hands trembled. But Lee, sweet Lee, started crying, and it was easy to see it was a happy cry, not an angst or sad cry “No, please, please don’t cry” Richard tried, holding Lee tight, sometimes he thought he would always hold Lee too tight, suffocating him “You don’t have to say yes, just please don’t cry”. 

  
  


And Lee, bless his beautiful heart and good head on his shoulders, just gently pushed Richard away “Richard! Of course I want to marry you, I just would have liked a little warning so I wouldn't make a asshole of myself”. Richard, now breathing right and deliriously happy, just laughed “It just isn't like you to surprise me this way, you were an asshole too” Lee continued, making Richard smile, and inside his chest, his heart is doing backflips. He puts the ring on Lee’s finger, and though his hands are still trembling, Richard knows it’s just from the thought of having Lee by his side “There is always a first for everything, isn't there?” it’s all Richard can say at that point. 

To Richard, a man that was quiet most of his life and liked everything planned, it took some time to understand that not all things in life needed thoughts, but instead, heart. Lee broke many of his barrels, and Richard truly believed he was a better man just by knowing Lee. Loving Lee, though, was what was making Richard whole. Lee with his bright smile, Lee with his loud laugh, Lee with his beautiful way of thinking about life. It never occurred to Richard that he would find one great love at forty, but in the end, Richard knew that everything led to Lee, and to that point on, the path was happiness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed it! I believe this is my last Richlee work, as I feel I reached a closure.


End file.
